I make myself think towards the positive side of things every time. They can say all they want, what have I got to lose anyway? And I managed to live one day happier. But the next day, when the same comment was made, I felt hurt again. Then I had to pull myself up and think, "I made it through yesterday, what more couldn't I take?". So I lived another day again. But I can't forget them. I can remember all the remarks they made about me being "stupid" and all.

My mother always say I'm a strong girl and I should continue to be one. I hope she're right because I'm alone. Because I'm alone, I should be strong all the more. Grown ups are weird. They feel good when they criticise you. They make you feel awkward if you are the odd one. They make you feel inferior when you already know that you are not cool enough. There was one pleasant young man who was following me from store to store one day. He smiled when I finally decided to stop to look at him. But I debated against what I was going to do next. My immediate reaction was to smile back, but if I were to smile at him, he would probably start a conversation. So instead of smiling, I looked at him expression-less and left the store. Why am I doing this? It is because he is a grown up too, and he's capable of doing all of the above! Then I'll think, what if he gets to know me more? Will he criticise me like my friends do and make me feel stupid, inferior and outcasted? Well, if there is a possibility that he will, why should I talk to him then? This process goes through my mind all the time when I meet new people.

That's why I always feel happier when I try to surround myself with children. They are pure, and they never act like that. A smile from them can brighten up anybody's day. The spirit of innocence gathers so strongly when you see them playing on the courts during recess. Whenever I talk to children, their answers are straight, like "I want to play" and "I like you" and "I have a best friend. Her name is Sarah. I like her very much because we do everything together".

The hard fact is, children are genuine and sensitive. You can scold them and they will love you still. But if you have a sudden change, they can feel that change in you almost immediately. How? Imagine if you are deaf, and somebody is talking to you. You can't hear what she's saying, but you can see her body movement, her gesture, the way she makes you feel with the look in her eyes. You feel everything much more clearly because you don't hear what she is saying. That's how children react to people. They feel more than they hear. Sarah never once felt that her best friend is not good enough for her because she has no expectations. Sarah likes her best friend for who she is. And that's why this little cousin of mine likes her best friend too, with the purest intention ever. Somehow, I'm attracted to children more. I never hated them even when I'm scolding them. I've talked about innocence in several posts previously, but this is one post where I felt I should write so much down.

This form of innocence, what is it exactly? Do you understand it? Can you feel it inside you? Try seeing things from a child's perspective. Try living like them. I will try too, and this will be my resolution to life. I'm sure it'll defintely make your life much more simpler, and happier.