i know i'm overloaded at this moment.
so many things, and more coming my way.
I've planned my year. Hah! This is the first time that i've planned something for myself in my entire life!
At least, I feel more useful now -
doing things not just for myself.

In the midst of preparing for the triathlon my cousin got me into (which is one of the things i have to put aside time for),
i was 'pulled' out of the swimming pool by a lifeguard.
he asked if i wanted to learn life-saving.
"I've been watching you for an hour and I find you a good swimmer."
(great! but i've got too many things to do at the moment.)
The fact is, I've been wanting to join the lifeguard corps in poly,
except that there are infact, eh-hm, a few 'factors' that actually made me decide against this so-called sport.
Even now, Dad discouraged me, of course. (As usual what.)
"What happens if you really see someone who needs help? You gonna jump into the water and save?!" (there he goes again.)
Please, am I going to hesitate against helping an injured, since I'm first aid certified?
Who wouldnt help if they have been taught how to? (except, of course, I do send children back to their classes if their injury is too minor.)
Even if i'm in heels, I would take it off and try to save the casualty if the situation allows,
Or stay guilty for the rest of my life.
And so, there, i got myself one more thing to do.

Was actually planning a diving trip this June with one of my colleagues (i shld re-learn all over again)
but, again, time doesn't allow and,
this plan's a goner for this year. Again.
Earlier, the inline skating coach was asking,
"Hi, wanna learn?"
"No."
"It's alright you know, all the other teachers are learning."
"Nah, I can't. Got 2 groups of students to take care of."
"It's okay, they just stay around here, you don't really need to do much."
"No, really i can't."
"Have you tried before?"
"No..."
"You'll like it."
I have been resisiting against the temptation to say yes thrice,
and I wish I could!
It seems so much fun!

Have been skipping classes every now and then,
my lecturers sure find me a headache.
Dad has been asking me,
which is more important: work or my certificate.
I'll say work - and sadly, nobody questions where my priority goes to.
I know i can't multi-task,
so if i were to choose one,
it is obvious. Your record goes with you for that few years.
but this course is just about acquiring a certificate - which i might or might not need - in the end.
My trainer and lecturers had said before, what is more important is whether you learn something, not that paper or card you gonna get.
I'm not a good designer, not a good artist either
and i know that.
But at least my school gave me opportunities to practise what i learnt.
My reward for designing their tee shirts: Free tee-shirts.





Anyway, I'm happy doing what I'm doing now.
Even after meeting the guys (girls la, but general term) from the other schools,
and learning that i have been bullied in my school.
I'm too easily satisfied.
Just that bit of happiness made me put aside the unhappiness i face everyday.
sometimes, i think i'm stupid.
for allowing myself to be bullied.
"I'm a simple person."
"You are?"
"Yes."
And still feels contented with having so little things in my life.
Be it friends, education, and the items i own.
so little. yet so dispensible.
and yet,
so happy.
I wonder if I'm really happy - Because I am.
I wonder how stupid i can get.
It seems to me that being happy is wrong here.
But here's one thing you got to know...
behaviour, personality, mind-set, and attitude can be changed, even though some people think it's not possible.
Emotions are different.
Knowing that it's impossible to change how you feel at that particular moment,
means you have to learn to face it and do some self-control.
Emotions are something which you have to be honest with yourself.

So!
whether i'm happy or not,
i'll face it, and let my days pass with as little worries as possible.