Please allow me to blog this with the heart and mind of a young girl - the 15-yr old girl i used to be, and will never be.

I remembered the day when the news spreaded.
Everyone in the band cried. I cried.
I cried hard in the classroom. I didnt care about whatever was around me that day.
But out of the corner of my eye,
i saw somebody laughing.
Laughing at the fact that I was crying.
Laughing when somebody died.
Laughing at a death grieved over.
It did not matter to him,
but it mattered to us!
alot.


alot.
it mattered that
there would no longer be anyone standing behind the conductor's stand.
it mattered that
we would no longer see his baton wave, or hear his voice again.
it mattered that
the overture was not finished.
it mattered that
he had asked somebody to wait for him.
it mattered that
somebody was waiting for him.
and
it mattered that
we were waiting for him,
I was waiting for him!
The overture would never be a complete set,
for what I waited would never come, not then, and not anywhere in the future.
and the band would never be able to play that complete overture again.

I could not describe my feelings at that time,
because my grief had long covered the angriness i should have felt
when i saw that person laugh.


Today was the SYF central judging for concert band (pri).
I was seated in the first row, so close that I could stand up and touch the stage, along with the teachers in-charge when our turn came.
I watched the conductor stand up there, with his back to the judges,
showing a drawing with a big heart-shape and the words "Air, Relax, Enjoy" written on it to the kids.
I remembered how my conductors used to relax us at the last minute too.
Making everybody smile on the huge nervous stage.
I felt like i was one of them today.
For a moment, he came to my mind again, reminding me of the last time we stood with him on that stage.
Sitting there, I wished time could pass quickly. And that i could get out of the auditorium immediately.
But what the kids needed was encouragement.
I decided i should just put my personal emotions aside from work.
The kids played well, and they maintained a silver.
Good enough for everyone who've seen their hardwork.
and good enough to remind me of memories I would keep for my entire life.